17-seconds.com: January 2016

The All Star Break is upon us, and you get a Beatles song as covered by Elton John because of copyright.

16∙1∙26 GDT - CHI @ RosshkYouuuuLikeAHurricaaaaaanes!: Ahhhhhhh, something...

This may be the least important game of the season. I'd like to see a win, but as someone else pointed out, I'd like to watch Patrick Roy have to tend then net tonight as well. Bonus points if a line brawl breaks out.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-26: Back east your type don't crawl

After tonight, vacation for everyone but 19 and 88.

Neostats: G52 - Sun Jan 24, 2016 – STL (0) - CHI (2)

16∙1∙24 GDT - I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues @ CHI: Make sure you bring your handiwipes

Extra credit for whoever identifies the most clips in the video:

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

Neostats: G51 - Fri Jan 22, 2016 – CHI (0) - FLA (4)

16∙1∙22 GDT - CHI @ Crazy Uncle Dale's Love Cat Shack House of Bargains

Visiting the Panthers always feels like a swap meet. We haven't traded with Dale in a while, but some of the time is probably due to avoid an appearance of collusion. Still, maybe there's some veteran D help here. We don't need anything special, just something to nail down the last shifts of a 5th D-man.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

Neostats: G50 - Thu Jan 21, 2016 – CHI (1) - TBL (2)

2016-01-22: All I needed

May or may not be thinking of laaarmer's feelings for Hedman while making this post.

16∙1∙21 GDT - CHI @ Little Glow Worms: Can we has V13?

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-21 Overflow

For Sekac.

2016-01-21: Take them bowling

Neostats: G49 - Tue Jan 19, 2016 – CHI (4) - NSH (1)

Dear 1995 X:

Don't despair. Times are tough, I know. You're losing so many favorite players. You're about to watch JR get dealt. Eddie will follow. Soon, Cheli will be gone. And Cheli will maybe be the worst because he's going to Scumville.

But you hate the Scum. Dearly. You plan entire weeks around Hawks-Scum games. You stay up late to watch replays. But they always beat you. The Hawks always seem one player away. You almost saw Keith Tkachuk in a Hawks sweater. "We would have won the Stanley Cup", you mumbled in a depressed mood when Winnipeg matched before the team moved to Phoenix.

And you despise Detroit. Their fans are so entitled. They're so damned talented. Fedorov. Man, that guy is incredible. Yzerman. He's great. You love watching him play but... they beat you every time. That Scotty Bowman- he's something. A living legend back there behind the bench. An aura, a presence.

But just hold on a little while. Hang in there, 1995 X. You'll go through a few years where you'll swear you have an entire row to yourself. You'll be depressed. The Anthem will go from incredible to louder than the crowd itself. It won't feel good. Foley will be jettisoned to... the Wolves.

But in that last year of misery, you're going to see a few players' names that you'll want to take note of: Seabrook. Keith. A trade for a guy from Philly named 'Sharp'. Soon, you'll see sweaters all over Chicago with 7, 2 and 10 on it. And not Cheli, Weinrich and Amonte. Those three will be all-world. Olympians. But it gets better...

Two back to back draft picks will be guys named 'Toews' and 'Kane'. Toews will immediately remind you of Yzerman or Sakic. He's going to change the way this franchise is treated all over the world. And then there will be Kane. He's magic. He will bring fans out of their seats mid-stride over the blue line. His hands are indescribable.

And Old Man Wirtz will depart. His son will take over. And literally the night Rocky Wirtz takes the reigns, things will be different. Foley will be brought back. Home games will be on television. On TV.

And the Hawks will make a splash in free agency. And they'll hire some guy named Joel Quenneville. He's going to change everything... with Scotty Bowman's son.

And you will watch the Hawks sign huge free agent names to big contracts. You'll be so excited to see a redheaded dude named 'Campbell' anchoring the back end until suddenly, two other defensemen emerge. (You'll know them when you see them.) And the Hawks will out-bid the mighty Scum for the one of the best all-around players in hockey. He will be worshiped by the fans from his first game, coming back from surgery to score a pair of goals... one of which will be mid-air. You will build an altar to him.

And Scum will take one more swing at your dreams. They'll knock your fast-rising boys from the post-season after a magical run. But if you wait, you will see a team and a dynastic run that will make you feel fortunate that you didn't quit when you had an entire row to yourself against Nashville in a 2005 game.

You'll get to see incredible achievements. Again and again. The Hawks will surpass the Bears in Chicago sports during the winter. Your nieces and nephews will grow up knowing a feeling you thought only other cities felt- that Scum fans got to feel.

But they won't have what you guys in Chicago will have. Hang in there. It will be worth it.

-2016 X

16∙1∙19 GDT - CHI @ Piss Takes: I met a dame. She was a hipster.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-19: Tell me can you feel it

RIP Glenn Frey

Neostats: G48 - Sun Jan 17, 2016 – MTL (2) - CHI (5)

2016-01-18: How do you like his show?

This seemed appropriate to Kane's season and to Toews lately.

16∙1∙17 GDT - Poutine @ CHI: No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

Whether most like it or not, the Blackhawks are the current stars of hockey. Of course we all hope the last song Fs hears tonight is Dagger. It is a bit better than the other guys:

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-17: Stand back

Neostats: G47 - Fri Jan 15, 2016 – CHI (4) - TOR (1)

2016-01-16: Hit the ground running

Today's musical selection courtesy of Paul the Fossil. Paul says this is not your grandfather's big band. (Which is cool, although I also like grandfather's big band.

16∙1∙15 GDT - CHI @ Leaves

What happens when babs doesn't turn the Leaves into the Red Wings?

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

Neostats: G46 - Thu Jan 14, 2016 – CHI (2) - MTL (1)

16∙1∙14 GDT - CHI @ MTL

Some people think Q and/or Stan have it hard. Tonight's game is in a place where their kind of pressure would be a vacation. Meanwhile, the Bowie tribute continues...

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-14: Our battle cry

Neostats: G45 - Tue Jan 12, 2016 – NSH (2) - CHI (3)

16∙1∙12 GDT - Arse zombie @ CHI: You can be mean and I'll drink all the time

What'd you say?

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-12: It's just the power to charm

This is one (out of maybe two or three) of my no-fail "happy place" songs. It's good for clearing out persistent earworms, but, much more than that, it's a few solid minutes of simply "good." Probably about as close to a perfect upbeat pop song as you can get for me.

Neostats: G44 - Sun Jan 10, 2016 – COL (3) - CHI (6)

16∙1∙10 GDT - 420 @ CHI: The Legend is Really Real Real

and the legend is a fwiend.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-10: Dance and drink and screw

Covers Week wraps up with some Shatner (and Ben Folds and Joe Jackson). Somehow, Shatner's weird hammy delivery just seems to work here, although most of the credit must go to Ben Folds for his arrangement that I prefer in all ways to the original. Oh, and this fan-made "video" is fun.

Neostats: G43 - Fri Jan 8, 2016 – BUF (1) - CHI (3)

2016-01-09: The sun is up, the sky is blue

Another possible rerun, but there's no way Covers Week was going without Siouxsie doing the Beatles.

16∙1∙8 GDT: atonally minded @ ToneTommy (but they sure play a mean pinball)

If you don't know it by now, you'll never know. Still, get your freak an' pop on, yo.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

Malcolm was a lazy sod. So it goes...

2016-01-08: It doesn't matter what they say

I have to admit, I'm not really sure why I find Fun Boy Three's cover of Our Lips Are Sealed compelling. The Go-Go's were always a little too "upbeat-poppy" for me (despite, somehow, appearing in Urgh! A Music War), so maybe the strange understatedness of this version appealed to me.

2016-01-07: You keep me rocking all of the time

On one hand, there are probably better UB40 songs. On the other hand, they're not Neil Diamond songs.

16∙1∙6 GDT: Penis Mightier @ ☆☆ - Deja Vu but with the colors in reverse

A wise man once said to me, "Better to have nothing, than to have something stupid."

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-06: That's what I say

This might be a repeat, but it's one of my all-time favorite covers so I'm not going to leave it out of Covers Week

16∙1∙5 GDT: Remember when we had that game that time and we were chippy @ yeah I remember, but I also don't consider this some sort of rivalry. Plus you guys won all those cups that were supposed to be ours.

Meh:

I've got nothing.

As usual.

LET'S GO HAWKS

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2016-01-05: Get back

It just wouldn't be Covers Week without some Laibach!

2016-01-04: Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died

It's our first musical theme week of 2016, and it's covers! There are a lot of good ones out there, and these may or may not be some of them. What they have in common is that I like them (and so, presumably, most of you will find most of them annoying). Here's the Pet Shop Boys doing Always On My Mind, which is not really the most musically interesting thing ever, but boy is it catchy.

16∙1∙3 GDT: 2015 The Best Defensive Player is a Good Offense @ 2014 The Best Defensive Player is also Good at Defense

the beginning is the middle is the end:

Feels pretty, pretty, pretty, preeeetyyyy, pretty good to get through the mad season and looking towards the All-Star break/final playoff push in decent shape. I hope all the extraneous baggage is dropped and everyone kind of gets on with things. Maybe that's part of the reason behind the Kane 26-game point streak acknowledgement.

On the comma-inducing front, it looks to me that Q is in his mad-scientist phase trying to get a defense that can run his system dependably, and I highly suspect Stan will pull in a capable blueline free agent in the next two months. Even if Gusto works out, his inexperience, coupled with TVR's inexperience, just isn't a situation I see Q being happy with. We'll see more of that working out tonight.

LET'S GO HAWKS

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm