17-seconds.com: October 2015

2015-10-31: You'll have to excuse me

I think I've used this song before, but whatever.

2015∙10∙30 GDT: To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour: Wait, Wat? No No No No No. The Wild Suck, We Eat Them For Breakfast, They're Not Like a Wild Flower. Fuck Em. Blackhawks vs Three Time Losers. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: That's what happens when you Google "Wild", some new age crap about some new age crap shows up. Let's be honest, the wild are a shitty team disguised as a marginally respectable team. They hand out $ 100 million shekels to...guys from Minnesota. But #19 and 88 are overpaid... Right. Doesn't matter if we win or lose tonight, these guys are our floorboards, doormats, chumps, chimps, whatever. GO HAWKS!!

20151031 - Like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain

I thought Fs would be back by now, so this one is tacked on. And it's cheating, I know.

2015-10-29: Post Game Thread of Misery: Neat Neat Neat

2015∙10∙29 GDT: A Termite Walks Into a Bar and Says: Is the Bartender Here? Grant Clitsome Walks Into a Bar, The Bartender Says, Sorry We Don't Serve Injured Love Buttoons Here. Blackhawks vs I Know It's Wrong, I Still Miss Buffling. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: Jokesie, so fun. But serious: Jets don't make anyone happy, they hit all the time. Then Mr. Buff, the great lost love of all our lives. Sigh.

20151029 - You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.

20151028 - Doin' a blue rock on a blue bus

20151027 - But if you love him, you'll forgive him

2015∙10∙26 GDT: Ducks: Nucks Redux; Puck Luck Sucks. Blackhawks vs. No Human Withstanders. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: So rhymie. Anaheim hockey team reminds one of a certain dragon- slaying West Coast Canadian team in their aging irrelevance. This shows up as NO GOALS, ASSHOLES, NO FUCKING GOALS YOU CORPOREAL BAGS OF DICKS. Of course no human can withstand them so...

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat: zamm

20151026 - I swear he was trying to talk to me, coy koi

20151025 - The sun is shining, but it's raining.

2015∙10∙24 GDT: In the Time of Chimpanzees, I Was a Monkey, Butane in My Veins and I'm Out to Cut the Junkie: Why, Stevie Y? Blackhawks vs. Florida Man Steals Jenna Jameson Exquisite Lifelike Removable Pussy and Ass. GO HAWKS!!

cliffkoroll translation. By cliffkoroll:

First, brylcreem then the musk…Jovan musk, before I repair to the drawing room and sit at the Selectric. So cool, heh.

Viz. Hmmm Sask did an easy one this time. Wait, I wonder, hmmm, yes mightn’t I be an excellent lumbersexual?? Yes, Waldorf, you mightn’t. Ha, I kill myself. OK translate: “to turn from one language into another or from a foreign language into one's own”…well, Sask IS Canadian, THAT’s a foreign language. Heh.

Viz. “to explain in terms that can be more easily understood; interpret.” Conundrum: My superior understanding/control of the universe broken into mere syllables for ingestion by plebian hordes…

Viz. Onward, Pilgrim, bend time and space, manifest your destiny, O colonizer, O master of politicometaideology! Let’s do this. Obviously Sask has stooped to “Beck” and his loser song to represent the Tampa Bay loss in the finals. Chimps, monkeys, butane, I’m aghast, appalled and agog. I should have started it: “Some Like it Haute”….heh.

Viz. Onward, Digby, Why Stevie Y obviously refers to Steven Hawking’s annoyance at his second law regarding black holes being repositive of Bekenstein’s reasoning about their entropy. A curious but sublime reference to lightning modeled mathematically as a three-dimensional network of n × n × n vertices. Brilliant. Huzzah, Sask, huzzah. And the rest of it, who wouldn’t want to steal Jenna Jameson’s ass??

I hope laaarms likes it.

He makes me giddy.

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat: zamm

20151024 - We rode on horses made of sticks

20151023 - But when the sun went down, the rapid tempo of the music fell

2015∙10∙22 GDT: Uncle Dale's Soup Kitchen: #freepirrimorinhayes. Blackhawks vs Rat Bastard Mad Dog Kitty Kats. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp Translation: So many fun here! Uncle Dale you know and Soup because he's back for Sveddy Ballz and Bicks...APPARENTLY. Always to think of hilarious "Q hold back bb talent" trope. Then Rat Bastard is Fffffff's Fave and always injured, but also Florida fans throw rubber rats on the ice because... because Florida. Madden took the limo ride but was not in Buffalo on the date in question. C'mon Dorp you can figure out the rest, we're pullin for ya. Oy.

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat: zamm

I came for the Devo video. I stayed for the tumbling pussy. Pretty decent fan vid. Also, who's the most stroooooooooooooft? Pirri?

20151022 - Until the day I die I wonder why

20151021 - Do You Bleed?

20151020 - It's like a dream to be with you again

20151019 - Come lay your bones on the alabaster stones

20151018 - Eating up the scum is the hardest thing for me to do

2015∙10∙17 GDT: Saad But True: BJ's Suck. Blackhawks vs Blue Man Group. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: Brandon Saad used to play for the Blackhawks but gave up glory and an outside chance at a HOF career for a little extra paper and none of that. Which is saaaaaaaaaaaadddddd. But True. The BJ's Suck meme might be considered "too easy" or "kind of lame" but Fuck you, it's good, it's pretty pretty pretty good. And Blue Man Group are unfunny-funny same as the 0-5 BJ's.

title: bbSask
song: zamm

I dunno. Something about the whole Saad thing still rubs me wrong from Saad's end. I guess I hoped there was a bridge deal to be made. Maybe if Bickell had received his smoking papers before Free Agency opened, something could have been worked out. Whatever. This song's for bbSaad.

20151017 - Weekenders on our own. It's such fun.

20151016 - All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall

2015∙10∙15 GDT: Oviraptor Freestyle Battle: Fender No Neck Strat. Blackhawks vs Washington Communist Hordes. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: Ovechkin is sometimes called Ovi. And then rap is called a battle sometimes and there is symbolic value in the reference since hockey can be warlike at time (although not with the soft-as-baby-cheese-butter-Blackhawks admittedly). A certain kind of Fender Stratocaster (not my favourite guitar but works with the reference) is called a No Neck (actually short for Nocaster but whatever), which is like Barry Trotz. Get it? Ahahahahahahahahahahahah, it's a good one. Then I ran out of steam and cut-and-pasted a trite communist reference because Washington is ruled by Obama who's a commie we all know that, and a terrorist but that's another for another Dorp translation.

Bad Brains - "Banned in DC" (though Booed in DC will be more likely)

title: bbSask
song: zamm

20151015 - It's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand

Kimmo's Cup: Philly Sleaze Steak. Blackhawks vs Not-Original-Six-Made-Up-Names. GO HAWKS!!

2015-10-14 Blackhawks at Flyers GDT

You can't catch a monkey with a shotgun and a sack

title:bbSask

song:zamm

2015-10-14 In honor of FFF's (Let's see if I did this right)

Would you be my lady?

2015-10-13: Beyond the sea

2015-10-12 Overflow

2015-10-12: Station to station

2015-10-11: Voodoo children

A PtF Song Selection™. Paul says: Some theme music for the wee blonde ninja. Also what Western Conf defensemen hear when he hops over the boards. (I think we may have two wee blonde ninjas now.)

Mr. Rogers got us here and Mr. Rogers is gonna take us Home. LET'S GO HAWKS!! GDT - Part 2

Bronx Butterfly: Inna Gadda Da Leddy. Blackhawks vs Noo Yawk Jankees. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: That's like a famous song, eh, but I changed the words. Jankees is like Janky which means crappy and so that's a pun there.

title:bbSask

song:zamm

2015-10-10: Here comes another one

We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours. Blackhawks vs The Once And Future Bobby Orr. GO HAWKS!! - PART II

Let's see if the boys can start a 3-period-winning streak like last year's. Didn't lose one of them.

We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours. Blackhawks vs The Once And Future Bobby Orr. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: That's like a famous song, eh, but I changed the words. Jankees is like Janky which means crappy and so that's a pun there.

title:bbSask

song:zamm

2015-10-09: No sleep

2015-10-08: Brand new season

2015-10-07: King Henry and the Knights of the Round 2 Exit: No Grail For You! Blackhawks vs Sir Shitsalot Stairwell. GO HAWKS!! - PART II

Dorp translation: I think even Dorp could figure this one out...geez

title:bbSask

song choice:bhh

2015-10-07: King Henry and the Knights of the Round 2 Exit: No Grail For You! Blackhawks vs Sir Shitsalot Stairwell. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: I think even Dorp could figure this one out...geez

This might be the most relieving season start in the history of my Blackhawks fandom. Just play the fucking hockies already. Here's an iconic bass-line for what hopefully becomes another iconic season.

title:bbSask

song choice:zamm