Back for more punishment.

2015∙12∙31 2015 SCC @ Patrick's Affliction: The death of the teenager standing on his own. Why did he bother?


And so it ends. Another arbitrary marker in our constant trip around the sun bids us close out the memories from the completing trip and plan better accomplishments for the next one. Hard to do better for some groups of people, Hawks fans being one of them. Our team did the best it could and, ultimately, the best any team could. They faced real adversity and handled it about as well as anyone could really expect. Better yet, the likelihood that they'll see equally severe problems in 2016 is low.

On the ice, the team sits in a position not unlike the last team faced this time last year. They've less experience to be sure, but 2010 proved experience isn't everything. Sometimes you need a core of players that know how to win. Of that, the Blackhawks have no shortage. Could be another great year. Here's to starting it with the most positives.


inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm

2015-12-31: What are you doing?

2015∙12∙29 06 YCB @ DIH GDT: Becaue they've left so many times before. But they won't really go.

ambiguation translation:

Team versus team. Reference to that thing. Reference to other thing that is similar but not.

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm


2015-12-29: A change of atmosphere

2015∙12∙27 06 @ 343861101315 GDT: You better get two points or this is gonna happen to ya

non-sequitur translation:

Today's matchup is a sort of reflection on irrelevance. I like the idea of their being 32 teams in the league. I like the idea of southern regions having NHL hockey. The way it's played out, though, leaves something to be desired. A lot. DH stumps for AZ. I sort of stump for TX. Outside of NC, who stumps for the 'Cane in this hemisphere? In the regard, here's something else that exists illogically:

inspiration: none
earmeat: zamm


2015-12-27: I know it's going strong

You get Cracklin' Rosie today because, number one, Neil Diamond is the best. Number two, this song is better than Sweet Caroline. This video appears to contain no actual video.

2015-12-25/26: And so this is Christmas

It's a special two-video post! In case you need some Christmas ambiance, here's the 3.3-hour loop of the Blackhawks Yule Log video.

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year

Neostats: G36 - Tue Dec 22, 2015 – CHI (0) - DAL (4)

2015-12-24: In spite of myself

Okay, so it's not a song. Skip to 1:30 if you aren't interested in the niceties.
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

2015∙12∙22 GDT: Thine Beloved Blackhawks visit Sharp, Oduya and Niemi in Hell

missing translation:

-this space intentionally left blank-


I mean, it's not exactly hell. In fact, it's 67 degrees (F) 3 days before Christmas. It's pretty much downright pleasant. But this place is full of Dallas fans which are most notable for being Cowboys fans, and then, when the Cowboys have been mathematically eliminated, jumping ship to which ever team is doing better between the Mavs, the Texans and the Stars.
inspiration: none
earmeat:   zamm

Neostats: Last 5 Games – 31-35

2015-12-22: Weihnachts-Oratorium

If classical music is more your style (because I know some of you are classy mothfuckers), there's no beating Bach. Don't even try to suggest that there is any.

Neostats: G35 - Sun Dec 20, 2015 – SJS (3) - CHI (4) OT

2015-12-21: Throw your arms around the world

I just realized there are five more things on my "Christmas music" list, so I guess that's what I'll be posting through Christmas Day. Obviously, this is on my list.

2015∙12∙20 Sister Ray @ Where Do I Begin: 3, 2, 1, PARTY! Join SpongeQ and his friends for some fast-paced, bubble-bursting mayhem. Pop bubbles as fast as you can for the high seed!

literal translation: 
  • 2015∙12∙20: today's date
  • Sister: Of or being one of an identical, related, or homologous pair 
  • Ray: Any of various cartilaginous fishes of the superorder Batoidea 
  • @: symbol representing the word 'at' meaning the sentence's subject is in the same location as the prepositional phrase's subject
  • "Where Do I Begin" - Chemical Brothers: Sunday morning I'm waking up ~ Can't even focus on a coffee cup ~ Don't even know whose bed I'm in ~ Where do I start ~ Where do I begin
  • 3, 2, 1, PARTY! Join SpongeQ and his friends for some fast-paced, bubble-bursting mayhem. Pop bubbles as fast as you can for the high seed!: This is the sell blurb for a "Bejeweled"-style SpongeBob game with "Q" replacing "Bob" and "seed" replacing "score"in order to make the blurb more relevant to the Blackhawks and Sharks situation. The Sharks are currently a bubble playoff team in danger of falling out of a playoff spot with every other division rival being within 4 points of them. Not only are they in danger of being passed by two division rivals today, but they also have the potential to be surpassed in points by every Central Division team for Wild Card seedings. The Blackhawks could weaken the Sha-arks playoff chance with 2 points today while simultaneously improving their own seeding.

inspiration: none
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-20: You make my heart beat too fast

It's been a while since I've posted a Certified Paul the Fossil Music Selection. PtF says, "For all the Kanettes in the shiny #88 jerseys," which seems oddly appropriate after the Sabres game.

Neostats: G34 - Sat Dec 19, 2015 – CHI (3) - BUF (2) SO

2015∙12∙19 CHI@Loveshack GDT: Whoever's staying at Kaner's tonight needs to bring their legal release forms and absolutely no rookies except for Pane (obviously) vs. perrenial Cup favorites

saturday morning hung-over dad's translation: Listen. You're old enough now to understand some things about life. I don't really need to explain this to you.


inspiration: none
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-19: Chestnuts roasting

Another in the sporadic series of Christmas Songs FFF Can Stand. Actually, this is more about Nat King Cole's voice than any particular song.

2015-12-16: Giddy-up

I'm not real big on Christmas music, but I always liked Sleigh Ride. This version, too. Adding lyrics is just silly. I'm also fascinated by the existence of a "Christmas with Colonel Sanders" record.

2015∙12∙15 DCO@CHI GDT: Nevermind the Bongwater, We're the Avalanche Pistols vs. The Buzzhawks - Points Earning Steady

generic translation: It's substance over style, longevity over flash-in the pan, planning over performance art, talent over hype, accomplishment over promises. Advertisements can make anything appear to be greater than it is, but there's no denying record. Let's hope Roy pulls his netminder at the 2nd Intermission so Scud can get the full Blackhawks Team Member feeling.


inspiration: -blank-
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-15: Like a ship without an anchor

Goodbye Daley, it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise.

2015∙12∙13 VAN@CHI GDT: Canada's Nightmare - Come Play with us Tommy Forever and Ever and Ever...Blackhawks vs. Canada's Balls GO HAWKS!!

bbSaskGloryHole translation I'm-just-trying-to-make-to-make-the-best-of-my-situation-in-this-whole-thing-with-a-crazy-dad-a-milquetoast-mom-and-fucking-ghosts-and-the-god-damn-mind-talking-shit-but-at-least-I-have-these-long-swaths-of-ice-I-can-skate-down-and-practice-my-skillz-but-then-I-skate-around-my-own-goal-and-holy-fuck-who-are-those-creepy-twins-and-why-are-they-staring-at-me-and-what-is-that-their-saying?-"come-play-with-us"-like-hell-I-will-those-twins-are-super-wei--WHY-IS-THE-RINK-FILLING-UP-WITH-BLOOD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?-Oh-it's-the-tears-of-British-Columbia-as-they-had-their-one-shot-and-even-they-realize-that-now.-And-the-blood-isn't-blood,-it's-the-dye-from-all-those-Team-Canada-things-from-2010.-It's-in-their-food-and-in-their-water-and-in-the-air-the-breath.-Turns-out-it-was-cheap-CANADA-RED-dye-from-China-and-it-doesn't-biodegrade.-Like-ever.-British-Columbia-hates-being-part-of-Canada-and-now-it's-stained-their-environment-forever!-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-13: I've come to talk with you again

Neostats: G30 - THU DEC 11, 2015 – WPG (0) - CHI (2)

2015-12-12: Come on little mama

My first exposure to the Cramps was when I saw Urgh! A Music War sometime during college. Many years have passed since then, and I am still no closer to understanding how Lux Interior's "pants" work.

2015∙12∙11 HeartsofCanadiaDarkness@CHI GDT: I Don't Care, I Miss Buff: The Queen's Portrait. Blackhawks vs Winnipeg Blue Jets. GO HAWKS!!

1benmenno translation: Benny Hatskin. Now there's a name. You just know this guy's ancestors had them some hard centuries living as Jews in Russia. He had balls by way of detention camps and gulags. Hatskin was too big for Canada growing up, he had to go to Oklahoma to play football. Benny was a Sooner. Then came back to Winnipeg to make a fortune. He couldn't buy an NHL team so he gave them the biggest Fuck You in hockey history: He stole their biggest star and put him in a parade on Portage and Main. Fuck You. Hence the Phoenix Coyotes. Benny's long gone but his shadow stIll lies over the Winnipeg franchise. He was a hero to underdogs and if you ever lived in Winnipeg you know what an underdog feels like. This is all to say, we got Toews, fuckas, eat shit. GO HAWKS!!

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

Neostat: G29 - THU DEC 10, 2015 – CHI (1) - NSH (5)

2015-12-11: Let's groove tonight

GDT Life of Pee: Revenge of the Clones. Blackhawks vs Tennessee Dorp Barons. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: It's Star Wars, Dorp! That means Princess Amidala...Natalie Portman!
As I do ponder o’er the galaxy,
Rememb’ring thee, hence shall my worries jet.
To know I have thy love doth set me free,
Thou art a feast that doth mine hunger whet.
Love hath no evil dark side—never, nay,
Love, like a sprite, doth dance upon the heart,
Love, like a blaster shot, doth fire convey,
Love is an actor in a perfect part.
O love, let us make haste to Tatooine,
For yonder love doth wait on our behest.
My thoughts of thee run rampant, near obscene,
I cherish thy devotion, well express’d.
No laser or lightsaber do I fear,
Thy love shall answer all: thou hast no peer. Yes, it's a Star Wars Shakespeare Generator. GO HAWKS!!

2015-12-10: You must explain why this must be

2015∙12∙08 PeeBarons@CHI GDT: WHERE'S THE LAW, DREW? I Am Spurious Yellow. Blackhawks vs Defending Stanley Cup Cham... Nope, can't do it, it ain't right. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: Hawks go to Deliverance, TN, where the perpetually hapless NHL-NFL-Do-they-have-a-baseball-team bridesmaids do their nightly ass-fuckery. Squeal, James. Weeeeeeeeee. That'll do, pig. CHRISTMASMEANSCARNAGE. GO HAWKS!!

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-08: For he's a jolly good fellow

In honor Neil Peart's impending (ongoing?) retirement, here's half an album.

Neostats: Sun Dec 6, 2015 – WPG (1) - CHI (3)

2015-12-07: I'll try to make it spin

Google tells me that Hanukkah actually started yesterday, but I figure as long as I'm still in the first half I'm good, right? Chag Hanukkah sameach!

2015∙12∙03 WPG@CHI GDT: The Winter of Our Discontent: Good bye T. Blackhawks vs Heavy D and the Boyz. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: In 71 Hully rang one off the crossbar at 2-0, then Tony oh and Jimmy Pappin and Ken Fucking Dryden did what they do. I was at Portage and Main for the parade and I thought I'd be a Jet forever. Fucking Dollar Bill. So here we are again and now I hate them. Tikho had to go, he caused Dorp to question 72's ability to Grok. Do you Grok the meaning, Dorp? GO HAWKS!!

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-06: All who love are blind

Here's some even old guy-ier music. Also possibly appropriate for Ladd and/or Buff.

2015-12-05: Here I am, baby

Cliffy wanted some music for "old guys" but maybe this is older than he meant. It's still awesome, though.

2015∙12∙03 CHI@OTT GDT: No Reason to Fear Pink: Melnyk’s Liver. Blackhawks vs /ˈɒtəwɑː//ˈsen.ə.tər/ GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: That quote it from Alfie. Figure it out. Yes, yes, I STOLE the linguistic disambiguation from Wikipedia. I did it. Now Lieutenant Dorp need not carry out an investigation as to the educational basis for my writing umlauts and glottal stops. Thief. Anyway, we all know I have fought fiercely against linguistic determinism alongside Alvino Fantini and his Italian School. Dorp, on the other hand clearly follows the teachings of Stephen C. Levinson at the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics in Nijmegen, The Netherlands. But I digress. Ottawa sucks so bad their owner drank himself into a new liver, which he got on Craigslist apparently. Canadians are up in arms about advertising for new livers, just because you’re famous and rich. I mean, we’re all going to have fucked livers just living here drinking Molson’s. GO HAWKS!!

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-03: A few of my favorite things

Two of them, anyway, together in one song: Big Black covers Kraftwerk!

2015∙12∙01 MIN@CHI GDT: I Don’t Know What They’re Thinking: Moving Towards a “Glideless" (monophthongal) [o~oː]. Blackhawks vs Sweater Foul. GO HAWKS!!

Dorp translation: It’s the accent, Dorp! The sounds of the North Central dialect follow a General American pronunciation system, except for these distinctions:i/uː/ (the vowel in the word boot) and i/oʊ/ (the vowel in boat) are conservatively formed in the back of the mouth, when compared to General American (in which the tongue is typically more fronted). See? They’re stupid. That’s why they talk funny and sign moderately talented players to unfathomable contracts. 11 million USD this year! For two of em! Coached by Mike Yeo! Talk aboot yer monophthongals, eh? One of those 11 mill guys thinks Yeo is a dipshit, which is hilarious but true and ensures they will provide a springy doormat for some lucky Central Div team this year also. And who's got uglier sweaters? Heh, they let Mike Yeo coach them. Heh. GO HAWKS!!

inspiration: bbSask
earmeat:   zamm

2015-12-01: Always out of champagne